30 Aug, 2014

I'm not very perseverance at all. In fact, I'm probably the opposite. 

Ever mentioned I like another girl now? (Yea changed after 2 years.) let's say I haven't, but of course, she has to be older than me again; but only one year this time. 

I met her at a cadet summer camp (always cadet), for the power pilot scholarship, a 7 week course. 

I am terrible with clues or interactions with humans in general; I didn't get that she liked me either, which was made pretty obvious by her friends. Of course I was interested in her, too, but being in cadets really restricts what I would do. I didn't really want to get RTU'd for their so called "fratting" or something like that, so I kept my distance. 

 

For the first few weeks I understood that she likes me, and so I try talking to her but not spill any of my feelings over. And I guess she thinks I hate her. So the last 2 weeks or so I just kinda want her to get that the feeling is rather mutual. 

Unfortunately, she was RTU'd anyways. And I kinda hate myself for that; I only offered but never persistently tried to help her out. She was the only one that failed ground, and I feel absolutely terrible (this has nothing to do with the fact that I like her). 

So after I went home, I gathered all my strength and bravery inside me, even the bits I used to eat, to ask her out. 

I wasn't surprised, for whatever reason, that she said no. She said she was busy preparing for uni; be it an excuse or not, it really makes no difference to me. I take people's word, because I trust them; so pretty much whatever you tell me is whatever I believe. I don't bother processing it in my brain, unless it's fairly obvious. 

And you know, a normal guy would've probably tried a few times. Call me a chicken or useless piece of shit or whatever you want, I've pretty much given up. Completely. 

Yes I talk to her, I ask about her daily lives, but I don't think she's interested anymore. I'm terrible at dealing with people or with words, much like my sister, and I've probably got her pretty unhappy by saying stuff she doesn't want to hear for whatever reason a few times. So really, I'm just gonna stop. I'm a pussy and I know. 

But well, what can I do. (Ask her out again maybe? Dumb shit) 

 On the bright ish side, my sister came visiting from America; and I also got my private pilots license. So now I can fly planes. I really just enjoy flying since I can get away from people, I'm not exactly the social type of person, but I'm not anti-social either... More like semi anti social. (Lmao) 

So PPL was the big achievement for me during the summer. How did your summer go? What did you do?

2 August, 2014

I'm 6 flights away from completing my course! 6! WTF! I sure didn't expect it to go by this quickly.... Although really, we only have 2 more weeks to go. 

And guess what!? Mr problematic with his relationships is back again! No not really, but thinking about these stuff just makes me sad. Why do we place so much hassle and importance into some bs like this?

My mind seems to be dominated by her, most of the day. But weirdly (that a word?), my dreams weren't about her... But my grade 7 crush. There is, no way in hell, for me to even talk to her anymore. 

For some reason (retarded ones), I felt that stalking is a good idea. And for fuck sake of course it's a terrible idea, but I didn't think that... And that more or less chased her away. I'm not surprised either. 

So now I pretty much get over sensitive when people got though my pics on FB when they add me, which is apparently normal. I'm so awkward around girls I like, I feel like I'm embarrassing myself and probably a retard. I mean, if anyone reads this, how many of you don't think I'm a retard? I'm betting none. 

And we all know girls have a really, REALLY confusing behavior. God if I understood them I can probably open a business to help understand them and become a billionaire. Guess gotta wait for my brain to evolve. YOUR MOVE BRAIN. 

There is heavy rain right now, and I managed to snap a few pics while I'm at it. So here it is with the post. It was take. Just before rain began. 

How's your day? 

31 July, 2014

OI noticed a tendency. And I don't think it's a good tendency. 

Since I was grade 6, other than 2/5 that I like, all of the girls seemed to be older than me. 

Actually, it might be grade 5... I don't even know. When I played for a musical play in school, I fell for this girl. 2 years older. Fucking great right. 

Grade 7 was more normal, this time she was my age. But.... Well things went a little awkward. I was never great at dealing with people; and I was absolutely terrible with human relations at the time. So you can guess where that went. (So no, no dates. )

Then grade 9, as I joined cadets, I was all in for M. And she is, like most the others, is older than me.... 2 years. Fuck me right. I gave up before even the end of the year; really never expected any development anyways. Being treated like her brother (ish) was really unexpected though. 

Now I finished grade 11, and my new crush is, again, older than me. But this time, only 1 year. Previously I mentioned that I am in a summer camp... Well I don't know if you could call a hotel a camp, but this is where I met her. 

She confuses me. I didn't really care who she was at the start, but she started talking to me. She complained that I always had my earphones on, and that is why she never talked to me for the first week (hey at least she respects my ear / headphones. Rare breed indeed). So I started to take out my earphones when she comes around, but she really hoes to say much. 

The following few days, she would come sit next to me on purpose, and of course I don't mind talking to her. (I'm really interested in her at this point. ) she seemed happy holding conversations with me, and her friend keeps telling me that she wants to talk to me. 

And then, she just stopped. Like a car crashing into a wall; like a shooting game being pasued - it just stopped. I'm most confused by this. She almost just seems like she hates me now. (Eh??) and this all happened relatively soon after she found out I was one year younger than her. 

Well that's my ranting of the day.... I guess I really shouldn't even complain or some shit, considering I'm just a 17 year old; I probably don't even come close to the problems that 20+ year olds have... But I just really want to spill it out. 

How's your day going?

22 July, 2014

Power is actually going really well! Yes, my landings are a little bit harder than intended, but I'm landing on the runway markings spot on. 

Also turns out we can eat at the runway café! And holy shit their food is expensive, but it's good too. It's 27 degrees Celsius today, so I went and grab some ice cream. They gave me 3 or 4 scoops, and it was 6.80CAD. I call worth on a day like this. 

But as good as the ice cream was, the day was pretty shitty. The wind when I was flying was 200 Magnetic 18 KT, and our closest runway is 26; which turns out to a 16 KT crosswind. Our limit for Cessna 152s are 12kt, so I got 4 duo circuits in, but none for solo. I feel pretty pissed; yes I understand it's a safety concern, but still. 16 KT wasn't hard to land considering I do this on glider and also the past 2 circuits. 

Our CO is really nice too, but kinda weird at the same time. O well. 

How's your summer coming along? 

19 July, 2014

I find myself very anti-social yet very out going at the same time. 

Don't worry. I'm confused too. LOL. 

I love talking to people; it doesn't make me annoyed or something, but I enjoy being alone or in a small group of friends more than a large group. If I can I much rather be listening to music and have no one talk to me; I just want the world to be silent sometimes. It's not like I'm depressed and hate people, I just find it more enjoyable alone. 

And for some awkward reason, I don't seem to merge in too well. No one hates me, but it's hard for me to start or continue a conversation. I never really start conversations since I don't really know how, so if I want to talk to someone, I just keep hoping that they would talk to me to initiate the conversation - I have no such skill what so ever. 

Anyways, I'm at Waterloo doing my pilot's license, and I just soloed 2 days ago. I'm really surprised by how fast we go solo, because on glider it was like the 24th flight( over 30 for me since I failed so many lol). I'm not really learning new things from ground school either; so I hope that changes. 

The hotel is nice; the food is good, and I'm having a lot of these food for the first time. If there is anything I need to complain, it would be so much of it is hand food (I really need some chopsticks), and that one of the salad taste like Barf. I'm cereal. 

Anyways, how is your summer going?

4th July, 2014

Hey what's up!

I got in to power pilot scholarship! Can't even being to describe my excitement! It is a 7 week "camp" at Waterloo, getting some pretty intense flight training, and we will recieve a private pilot license by the end of the course. I'm my opinion, it's not really a camp, considering that we are living in a hotel (yea "camp"), but I ain't complaining. So much better than those so called barracks. 

I ended school with an average of 88 for second semester excluding English (that subject honestly). Much better than I expected; and I certainly did not expect a 94 on my exam for physics. 

As for M, I kinda started treating her like a sister, and she started treating me like her brother ( or more or less along those lines, and of course those feelings disappear =p luckily lmao). I'm pretty happy about that, she's a nice person. 

I'm expecting an exciting, fun summer, although I really do miss Hong Kong. Probably going next year or something. Can't wait to go back! 

What do you have planned for summer? What do you want to do next year? I'm sure gonna have some fun!

May 2, 2014

I'm grade 11, but as the time for prom approaches, you start to see more and more promposals... And I get pretty jealous =p I always wonder when would it be my turn; if there is my turn at all. It's just so happy to see others get together that u wanna too. XD

I've given up on M completely, but seeing her still makes me really happy. She probably knows magic. 

I also play travian now =p and boy the alliance has all sorts of trouble....

How's your day?

March 9, 2014

So today is the cadet march break trip. I have been downloading Bleach episodes all night, and since daylight saving time is...on? (1 hour faster anyways) I didn't get much sleep. But at 5am, when I was supposed to wake up, I saw that my parents aren't up yet, so I thought it wasn't time yet. Turns out they forgot the alarm (yea they wake me up cuz apparently my alarms are too early), and literally, we got out of the house, from when we woke up, in 3 minutes. Packed, have breakfast (in the car), ready to go. Fastest record for us ever. 

 

  We are going to Washington, D.C., and it's a rather long bus ride. Because I was late(ish), and I'm a sgt, I was seated at the back, right next to the washroom. We're having this seat for 7 days. Awesome right!? Gonna smell shit everyday. 

  The guy who sits next to me can't sleep straight or to the right either; his head invades 20% of my space, including his drewl(drowl? The dripping saliva) and the 6" rule in cadets. Also he's a hell lot shorter than me, I'm about 6' and slightly claustrophobic, HE MADE ME TAKE THE WINDOW SEAT FFS. 

On the bright side( not really), M is sitting 2 seats to my right =D dunno why I'm so happy; in fact I'm starting to think I'm a little retarded. Just a little. 

So yea now I'm hugging this corner of this bus in uniform tired and sleepy trying to dodge the saliva attacks. What's up with you guys? 

*this is written on the bus so won't get published till hotel/ wifi. 

20 Feb, 2014

  Today I had cello lesson. I haven't practiced for 1 and a half months, but to my suprise, I did well. 

  Nothing special is really happening in life. Just normal school, cadet, school life. Boring and unchanged. 

  Maybe something a little different are my courses- it's semester 2. And I hate English. I honestly don't think I'll do well, but I gotta try my best. 

  And like a mother ducking creeper, I think about her a lot. Every time I see her i just start smiling like a dumb fuck, inside and out. Like I'm a retard still waiting for her. What am I doing. Honestly. 

  Currently it's raining / hailing / snowing, and there is a flood warning. Hopefully no school tomorrow... Doubt it though. Not like they care about it (the school boards).... Not hoping for serious flooding though. Don't want a flooding basement here. 

  How's your life goin for ya?

29 Jan, 2013

Just a really short entry that i wanna write. 

I've waited. I'm still waiting. Everyday I want you to break up but I don't at the same time. I'm conflicted, I don't know what I want, other than you. 

I'm the out going - loner type. You were the only person who had ever gave me comfort. 

In your existance I can feel.... I can feel safety, I can feel honesty, I can feel happiness, I can feel gentleness...

You are one of a kind, only one to be so amazing. I am never a match for you, even my soul can feel that. 

But every part, physical and mental, just keeps attracting me. I just can't pull myself into how I want to feel... What can I do?

Jan 24, 2014

YHaven't written in a long time. Right now it's exam week... And honestly, I'm not too bright about them. I feel like I don't know what I am doing. My marks always drop dramatically to a 70, but took me until now to catch up to an 80. Not exactly smooth sailing. 

Things don't seem to go well in cadets either. They just changed the rules, stating that instead of "participating in the fitness test to pass the level", you must also pass ONLY the beep test. Sad thing is, I have excellence and gold in all other categories, but just beep test. I got a 43 (18 off from pass). So I trained for a month, and got 56. Let's hope another month of training will do it. I currently feel the need to throw up but I'm starving, too. 

Remember M. Yea, she wasn't exactly happy that I stop 5 b4 pass... I needa throw up.

But she talked to me. Yea I'm like the type of dumb fucking nerd that no one likes. Her bf is one lucky guy. 

And she bought mcdonalds... Let's hope I get one. 

The coming semester I have Calculus (AP, which we are already 1/2 done that course even though we still in Adv Func.), physics and chem 11, and lastly, 11 eng. I suck at English. I lived in HK for most of my life, so I'm actually surprised I got a 90 on literacy test... Well I'm not surprised about my mark.... Just ontario's average.

How are your exams and days going? Tell me a little! =)

Edit: aw no McDonald's =( got some fries doe