8 November 2013

UI've always hated life. I don't know what purpose I serve, I don't know why I am a human, and I don't know how my consciousness is who it is... In a human body. 

I don't like the way the world works. Humans don't run it, laws don't run it, only money runs it. If you have money, everyone praises you, cares about you, and wants to know you. But if you're poor, no one could careless about you freezing, you starving, and you suffering. There are of course that few good Samaritans walking around, helping you out a little, but what they can do is limited, because even them have a family to take care for.

I was never as bright as anyone think I am or was, I'm just a lucky dumbass who  

Don't know (remember ) how this was supposed to end with. How was your day? (Added Jan 24, 2014)

11 Oct, 2013

It's been at least 2 months since my last blog. I'll be honest, I was just busy gaming, and had a lot of thinking. 

First of all, I didn't finish my glider scholarship on time. However, I did finish it around... 1 Month later? I had a feeling, that the license will be my greatest achievement I will ever get. I switched schools this year, and I don't know anyone. I was scoring aces in math in my old school, but now I'm down in the 60s. I need that to be a 90... Especially that subject. Because I found who I wanna be. All because of the summer course. 

I've been flyin in the skies before I was even born. I flew in my mother's stomach (well, uterus) for a few times. Right after I was born, I flew another time to where my family was originally from, Hong Kong. Since then, I flew back and forth Canada and Hong Kong. I was always interested in how planes work, but never more than things like the Big Bang theory or space. As I flew in the glider, it felt like I'm back to where I'm supposed to be. Not on the ground, but in the air. As I looked up and see airliners fly by 3000' above my head (the airport I fly at is right at their base turn and final), I knew, I wanted to be in there. So if you hadn't figures it out yet, I wanna be a pilot. 

Why do I need to be good at math for a pilot? Well I don't really need to know how to do derivatives or stuff like that (or I think so), but calculating distance, track, and fuel and a lot more other stuff are essential to flying. 

Anyways, I've also been seeing M quite a lot, at least in cadets. Every time I see her I can't help but smile, as if she knew magic, and use it to move my muscles in my face. I think more about her everyday, but there's really nothing I can do. I just wish life ain't so cruel. Or maybe I'm just overly depressed and dramatic. Probably the second one. 

As I thought more about her, I think more about fate. (Yea here comes that fancy cheesy shit I know) I'm thinking, what am I supposed to be in this world, why am I in this world, and who is truly am I supposed to be with (<<<<< so duckingcheesy  for god sake). Ah ok let's stop here for this shit.....

But truly, I really wish I was her bf, even just for one hour. I would just like to know completely how she is. I know how she is, but only partially. I want to understand her, laugh with her.... 

How's your day?

June 26, 2013.... Kmn

Ok so today I got a notice or order whatever you wanna call it from cadets. I think I'm not allowed to talk about it, so I'm not gonna mention the specific details. But here is what it is in a nutshell:

A 2 hour ride in a SCHOOL BUS in UNIFORM including my BOOTS. Yes. I'm going to have so much fun. SOOOO much fun. Then to make it worse, only 3, including me, of us are travelling on this bus (there are people from other squadrons, so not 3 people to one bus and I don't know those "other people" either). You may say "that's not bad", but the problem is, THEY'RE A COUPLE. So I'm the third wheel rolling around like a dumbass. I'm not religious, but oh lord. And it's M and A too. god. 

Finally we got Internet at our house (I should throw a party YAY! INTERNATIONAL CELEBRATION!) so I played league, and this idiot technician came to fish a cable through the ceiling so we can put our TV on the other side of the wall. And guess what? He unplugged the Internet twice. Each time 2 minutes. That 4 minutes literally cost me a game that we were gonna win for sure. On the bright side, I proved AD Lulu painful. It doesn't hurt, it kills. (If you don't know what I'm saying, just ignore that setence. )

As I was typing this, I came across the word "international". so I'm a little confused by it. "Inter-" means inside (in a way), and "nation" means a country, as "national" means country wide.  Then how does "international" mean world wide? @@""   #mind=blown

Anyone have any ideas on where that word came from?

June 23, 2013

FIRST OF ALL, YESTERDAY WAS MY SISTER'S WEDDING! Congrats to you, sis, and your... Husband =D

The food was absolutely amazing,  let alone the night was fun and hilarious all together!

Other than that, I'm having exams. So far, the exams are pretty easy, lets hope my last one will also be easy. 

And... We've moved to a new house. My uncle is rather anti-social, he hates when here are a lot of people around. So he forced us to move before the wedding. Now I'm at a place with no Internet, and I'm playing Starcraft everyday. Hopefully this helps with my sc2 skills? And I hope that I'm getting Internet soon. This entry is also most likely to be entered into my blog one day late. And yea, I used to find my uncle not too bad, but now I don't like him at all. He rushed us into a house that just finished construction ( literally ) and have us 3 days to move. Wtf. 

So how's everybody's life going? They good or are they bad?

June 9, 2013

THANK WHATEVER THAT ANNUAL IS DONE. 3 OUT OF THREE COMPLETED. BOOM. But I still have a parade night on Wednesday. O gosh... at least it's not as tiring as annual is.

It's Sunday today, and I have a History CPT (30% of my total mark or something like that) due tomorrow, which i didn't really start, and a French oral exam which I needa write and memorize by Tuesday. And I can barely say Hi properly in French (Bonjour! =D)

What's more? Well I found out deep deep deeeeeeeeeeeep stories of my friends (which honestly, seems a little childish to me), and found out M, is dating... let's call him A. =D A is a year younger than her. But guess what? I'm 1 and a half years younger, and I still like her, so haters keep hatin' =p And some people might ask: "Aren't you sad she's not interested in you?" Well, yes. I am a little sad. But I'm also happy. It just means we aren't meant, and plus she's happy right now, and I know A pretty well too, so both of them are happy. Why sad from other's happiness? It's worse to be happy from other's sadness. I'm happy as long as others are happy. To a degree, at least.

Btw that =D is a smiley face not A=D (A equals D)

Camp is coming soon, so are exams. I'm going to a Glider Pilot Scholarship, and a glider, for those of you who don't know, is an airplane with no engines. It is so quiet, it is as if you're rid of the whole world. Seeing the GTA (Canada is relatively flat -- fly in Markham and you'll still see CN Tower, which is at least like a 3 - 4 hour drive I guess?) is comforting. The green (rather brown i guess) ground is extremely flat, and looks like a child's play carpet, and honestly, I get lost about where the airport is every time I go on an airplane... I should probably find out a way to bring a GPS on board. LOL .

We are also packing our stuff, since we are moving. And I must say, I never thought packing my Gundams would be such a pain. It's so much, I didn't recognize how many Gundams I have. And speaking of "many", when do we even use "much" from "many"? It kinda just.. you know, works in my brain. But what's the rule behind it?@@

Well I guess she just ain't for me and I just ain't for her. Life keeps rolling and it ain't got time to stop and rewrite all the fates of humanity just because I'm not happy about a short part of it.

And I was watching 00 Gundam Season 2 again a few days ago, and a few lines drew my question:

Is it better to be inside a cage, having limited freedom, but safe from dangers; or to be in the wild, no protection, but you have complete freedom?

I'll leave you all to that. What do you think of it? How was your day? =)

June 3, 2013

Hey yo, so for those of you who don't know (which means all of you probably), the girl i like is actually older than me O= by year of birth, she is 2 years older, but in reality, she is only a little more than a year older than me (1 and a half maybe?) She is supposed to retire this year from cadets, according to her birth year, but because she is born later in the year, the CO didn't let her retire.. and she is returning as a cadet... as a WO1. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this. It's another year of dumbness for me to go through, but it's another year that I'll get to know her. Obviously I'm not trying to become her BF or sth (that'd b great though lol), but I still wanna be pretty good friends with her =DD

And shit, I have a lot of projects due... and I have 2 annuals this weekend. Let's define homework. O lord (let's pretend I'm Catholic every time I use this phrase), please give me strength. This also reminds me on Wed, normal parade nights, I'll have ALPT -- Aviation Literacy something Test. LOL. And it's during the parade night at 1900 (7pm). By phone. It is test how you fair speaking on radios and phones. Honestly, I'm pretty bad with it, but i'll pass. Just I might need to redo it every year (Oi).

I'm hoping cadets will be done soon... I just want to sleep all day... Next Wed is the last cadet day! Though 2 weeks from that I'll be in camp, doing Glider Scholarship =) (I don't know, I feel like staying home. Home sweet home. But gliding is fun!) Oh, if I didn't mention, the girl I like (let's just call her M from now on, too much to type) is also going to camp (same camp), but as staff. 6 weeks of more dumbness. But let's hope this time my dad doesn't faint in the swimming pool and goes to hospital again like last year.... I cried for a few nights over that =S I was pretty scared since till today they still don't have a full diagnose of why that happened.

Anyways, How's your life fairing you?

May 29, 2013

  I don't understand life. It's weird. We live, we do things, we stress ourselves out, and eventually, we die. We all end up at the same place, for the same reason, with the same cause. Yet we come with a lot of different conclusions for that one possible out come. We develop theories, saying God exists, to ease our fear. But who DID create the universe? Was it by pure chance that strings went into 2D then 3D and created today? Or IS there a higher being? Any how, I'm an atheist.

  Life is confusing with school. I don't understand what our teacher wants; how can 2 exact same answers get 2 different marks? Is he mentally retarded or what? I'm already having difficulty in English and French, giving me bullshit like this ain't going to help me going on honor roll. Not only that, but they can't teach either. How do they expect us to get high marks like that?

  And my brain is just in a mess. I don't know what I'm feeling. My brain is like go for it, but you won't make it. And honestly, I know I won't either, but I think I might regret forever if I don't go for it... But I don't want to screw up either. It's a double edged sword. It's hard to find the right person, and when you find it, it just kills you for the fact that you can't get with her. It's almost like peeling off your skin cell by cell, until you die. (Yea I might be exaggerating a little)

Do you guys ever come across bipolar times like these? (LOL)

5-28-2103

So I had a pretty weird dream. Honestly, I don't know what it means. It really weird.... I mean, I would never do a geohunt, nevermind the fact that it was conducted with friends from cadets. 

Anyways, I just recognized how many projects I have to do, so.... I'm screwed == and the French test on the little prince.... I only read one chapter. I'm so dead lol

One more thing I wanna mention, I have 3 annual reviews (3 - 6 hour parades at cadets. ). 3. Everyone else has 1, but our band has 3. Honestly wtf it's just retarded. 

Anyways how's your day guys?

PS I got placed bronze I in league! =D

O=

So today is Victoria Day, and yesterday there was firework. I kinda wanted to watch it, but its Down town. Luckily my neighbour is brown ( its a little racist but its Tru, I don't mean to offend anyone), So they celebrated with firework. I got to see it through my window xD

Also, I found out that she and a guy went watching firework. Don't know if dating or coincidence or sth, but its really not my problem anyways. Just a little sad, but w/e. prob just me being retarded again. I kinda want to know if they're actually dating though ;D

And honestly it's getting burning hot. I had to wear underpants only and I was still burning hot. Damn my uncle

Who is so cheap. My fan is all the way up too. So cold in winter and so hot in summer... What kind of place is Canada==

And man, some people just can't play league. And their attitude is absolutely disastrous. U can lose a game that you're winning cuz of them. Dumbasses. 

I built Gundam today (after ten years) and gosh it took me 1 h and 30 min to build 2 arms. 2 arms. And not completed (LOL@@') 

How was your long weekend?

Sudden thoughts in school

This is more of an awkward time for me to write a blog, but I was thinking in class as I had nothing to do. 

Honestly, I'm scared. I feel like she has shut down bars between me and her. Every time I try to reach towards her, I have to extend my arms through one of the holes between the bars, and every time I extend my arms through it it gets filled up. I'm scared that eventually the holes will all get filled up... 

I don't know how she feels about me ( prob like "what? Who? O. He's ok"), but I certainly like her a lot ( yea I'm a physco lol I noticed =='). 

Whats more? I'm moving schools, so all those friends I had will be lost. I'll b alone in the new school. =(

Anyways that's just random thoughts during math (LOL). What's up with you guys?

FTX is horrible

Hey, so I had FTX the last weekend. One word. HORRIBLE. it was raining hard, and the group which built my tent forgot to put a tarp... So we had to clean it from 11:30 pm to 2:30 am before we got to sleep. It was cramped, too. A 2-3 people tent fitting four people... Cadet needs some logic here. 

I must say, I haven't talked to her much during the whole weekend. She wasn't in any of my classes. I sometimes wonder if I still have a chance ( I know I don't LOL) 

I Have also finally made the decision to drop IB. I don't think the school I go to ATM is good at all... I'm hoping to change schools. I'm gonna go to the new school for interview this Friday, hopefully everything goes well. However, I still don't have a firm decision if I want to drop IB yet. 

Internet is laggy as hell... Can't even play league. On Starcraft everyone is just cheesing me... And SDGO obviously lags because I need to connect to VPN to play in Hong Kong. Nothing is working out for me.... Real life or gaming. 

So how was your day?

Another few days

Sup? So I'm gonna start writing blogs for a few days instead of everyday. I went and did volunteer work with the girl I Like's sister, too. I must say, they are really different  (I'm not surprised). But their voices are pretty similar. LOL

The week was fairly boring, with a bunch of projects due right after the weekend of a FTX which takes up a whole weekend for cadets. Oh joy. No sleeping until the next morning on Sunday. 

That's about it for now. How's your life?

May 2, 2013

Hey, sup guys. Today I have cadets again. This is the third week that I have cadets for a full week... And my feet is honestly dying. I have to go to something like Le Parc tomorrow... In full uniform a again... For the whole day again....

And if I haven't mentioned, the girl I like is also in cadets. She was here today, too. I'm honestly pretty happy just seeing her, let alone working with her for the whole night volunteering for the blind! (The volunteer adds something special, I mean, i doing something useful!). I sound like a stalker. Oi. As for tomorrow, she won't b there? But her sister will, apparently. I don't like her sister too much though, she doesn't give people too much respect.

I've also found that the city is pretty sometimes, too. It was quite a nice view. Although I must admit stars are much much better. School is boring as usual, and honestly I just don't want to go to my school anymore. Teachers there can't teach.

And that's my day. Not much. How was your day, guys?

I don't know what to do

Hey, so I'm back again. Today, I really feel like I don't know what I'm doin. I like a person who virtually I can never be together with; my teachers are awful and I'm not learning anything thus failing the courses (asian fail); I feel like people ignore me... but honestly, I feel like it wouldn't matter anymore if everyone just forgets about me and let me rot away in a hole... yet life doesn't just let you off the hook that easily.

I can't get her off my mind, it's extremely obvious to me that she's not interested in me at all, but my brain just keeps forcing me to pursue her. She's 2 years older than me, and this year is prob my last year seeing her. Why am I even so upset of her? I guess she's the first that I truly like from my heart? I'm not so sure.

Also, I'm looking to transfer schools. The current school is honestly horrible... the teachers can't teach, they are extremely bias; with the exact same answer (and i mean exact same), my friend got full mark, yet I only got half of it... Favourism(yea this ain't a word. but we all know what it means =)) is everywhere, and then they test you on grade 12 things even though we're only grade 10 and they never taught us any of those things.

I guess some of you just think I'm complaining the f*ck outta myself, my just needed to express myself... it eating me up inside. I know probably no one is going to read this, but at this point, I already feel much better. If anyone reads this out there... tell me what to do? I'm in a confused state... I don't want to live anymore... (aha i'm not gonna suicide.)

Good day.